At the outset of 2011 I set the intention of being truly naked, authentic, real. Of walking my talk in all facets of my life. Transparency is a big part of this, and so, taking a big breath, here I share the inside scoop on what was going on behind the scenes of Eat Naked last year.

On New Years Eve, hubby Chef James Barry and I chronicled 2011 and realized that something life-changing and pivotal happened in all but two months of the year. I won’t bore you with all the gory details, but here are some of the most notable moments:

In 2011, I married the love of my life.

Three times.

The first time was (unintentionally) on Valentine’s Day in an LA courthouse. Unromantic and kind of funny in cowboy boots with a cupid cutout on the wall behind us, but poignant nonetheless.

The second time was in an intimate, family-only ceremony in my hometown Ottawa, so that my ailing mother could witness our vows. For many of the family members gathered, it was the last time they saw her alive. Powerful doesn’t begin to describe it.

And then a third time here in LA, with more family and our wider circle of friends, as a proper celebratory send-off to our new life together.

Ultimately, this wasn’t at all how we imagined our wedding to be (to begin with, we imagined it happening only once) but, as always with the unexpected, it was perfect and I wouldn’t change a thing.

In 2011, I launched my first book, Eat Naked

It’s hard to explain the amount of stretching and personal growth this endeavor asked of me.

From the moment I thought up the book until about two weeks before it launched, I felt with incredible (and uncharacteristic) certainty that this would be a huge success. Even though I had no experience in the publishing world, I had this deep knowing that it would give real value, maybe even change lives.

And then, two weeks before the book launched and I began my media tour, I panicked. I second-guessed every word I wrote, every moment of confidence, every strategy I’d devised. I felt (appropriately?) naked and exposed, with my face staring back at me on the book’s cover. I decided I’d been delusional to think I could do this. The shy little girl inside me balked at the TV cameras, the long list of radio interviews, all the attention. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

I think they call this the “terror barrier” and let me tell you, I hit it hard. I called many a friend in fits of gasping tears bemoaning the whole thing I’d set in motion, wishing I could somehow get off the train and make it all go away.

But of course getting off the train was not an option and all I could do was take a deep breath (or many) and put one foot in front of the other. I fumbled a few interviews, and nailed others. I learned little details the hard way (e.g.,  always bring your own water to the green room, even if it’s a big TV network). I even faced my biggest fears and did a few speaking engagements.

I grew a new patch of grey hair over those few weeks, but I survived and now am much better equipped as we head into the launch of the follow-up cookbook in a few months.

In 2011, I said goodbye to the woman who gave me life.

On July 1^st, after the exhilaration of sending off the final cookbook manuscript to the publisher’s editing team, I got the devastating phone-call that my ailing mother was heading into emergency surgery, for the second time in a week. The prognosis wasn’t good.

Within a day, I was on a flight home to Canada and at her bedside in the intensive care unit. The following 10 days were some of the most difficult, memorable, important days of my life. I read to her, I held her hand, I sang to her, I said all the things I’d ever wanted to say, and I got to say good-bye.

She left this world far too early on July 13^th, 2011. But now her pain is gone, and who can begrudge her that? It gives me great comfort to know she’s in a better place and her suffering is over.

In 2011, I discovered I am going to be a mother.

In October, my new hubby and I spent a month in Europe on our honeymoon, drinking wine, relaxing, and eating way too much pasta. It was blissful.

So blissful, in fact, that we came home pregnant.

Fitting in some ways, given the passing of my mother. Quite the cycle of life. It seems this is the year I move officially from daughter to mother, the passing of the torch. Serendipitously, my due date is a year almost to the day of my mother’s passing. Coincidence?

And so now, as we step into 2012, a whole new adventure begins:

- A new chapter in my life as I become a mother and bring this baby into the world. I’ve only been pregnant for 3+ months and already this little creature has taught me so much about surrender, slowing down, and listening to my body’s sometimes very confusing instincts. Lots and lots of fodder for future blog posts…

- A new book to launch that I co-authored with the amazing Chef James Barry.  You asked for recipes and you got ‘em! 170 gluten-free, properly-prepared, naked foods recipes from the simple and speedy to the complex and impressive. The Naked Foods Cookbook comes out in May 2012 – and is already available for pre-order on Amazon.

Looking forward into 2012 I can hardly imagine the adventures, the joys, and the challenges that await us. What I do know is that I am committed to stepping into this year with the same intention as the last: being truly naked, authentic, and real. With perhaps a little extra dose of self-care for good measure.

Thank you to all of you – friends, family, clients, supporters, readers, the whole Eat Naked family – for being part of my community and coming along for the ride. It’s my honor and privilege to share my thoughts on food, health, and life with you, and I look forward to an incredible 2012 for us all.

Related posts:

• Living 2010 fully
• Naked Living And Authenticity: A resolution for the rest of us
• Say hello to your most naked self: Lessons learned over 26.2 miles

Self-care and grounding has never been more important than it is right now. Those of us living in Los Angeles were recently humbled by the powerful Santa Ana winds. May we receive Mother Nature’s lesson of surrendering to that which is bigger than us by reflecting inwards and feeding our souls. How that may look depends on your individual needs, and below is my list of suggestions on things you can do to prepare for the New Year.

1) Spend Time With Loved Ones.

The biggest mistake any of us can make is isolating ourselves while we are on this planet. Don’t assume because you are in the same room with someone that you have to be “on”. Just being in the presence of others can be nurturing to the soul. Also, don’t assume the “others” need to be human. Animals are incredible companions, as long as they’re not trying to eat you.

2) Eat Good, Healthy Food.

Don’t eat processed foods. Don’t eat food with unpronounceable ingredients. Just eat real, naked foods. Processed food and sugar will affect your mood and not in a good way. Get meals through Wholesome2Go or your other favorite source of healthy, tasty meals.

3) Drink Water and be Merry

Drink lots of clean water. Water feeds your cells, provides clarity, and satiates cravings. Start by drinking a full glass of water upon waking. You’ll be amazed by the shift in your energy from drinking more water and less of the sugar drinks, including juice and alcohol.

4) Go For A Walk Outside

Not a run, but a walk. So many of us are always pushing, pushing, going and going. How long has it been since you gave yourself the permission to just slow down? Do you remember how to move your body without the agenda of a performance outcome? Simply enjoy the outdoors and get some sun. Maybe smell some flowers. Hold hands with a loved one as you walk in silence and feel the wind on your face.

5) Turn Off the TV

I’m a movie watcher. I love movies, particularly after a long day. In many ways it’s my go-to when I need to decompress. I’m making a different choice in the New Year, which I’m already starting to incorporate now. Instead of a movie or TV, I’ll play a board game, read a book, write, or sit and talk with my wife. I love having people over for dinner and a board game. The amount of laughter that comes forth from that type of evening is incredibly healing. Yet, I rarely do it.

If we aren’t doing the things we love, then what are we doing?

There are so many other self-care suggestions I could add to this list but I’m going to leave it at five. Why? Well that’s all part of my choosing self-care. There’s no need to over-do it or to put pressure on being perfect. If you can incorporate one suggestion from this list, then you’re doing just great in my book!

Happy New Year. May 2012 be filled with everything you love.

Related posts:

• Eat to Thrive: Fight the winter blues with these immune boosting strategies
• True Naked Living: Your permission slip from the Universe
• Living 2010 Fully

Two days into said honeymoon, the toenail on my left foot had an unfortunate and extremely painful encounter with a restaurant door (I’ll save you the gory details). This little incident ultimately landed me in the ER, in a whole lot of pain, and on crutches. What a way to start a honeymoon.

I like to think of myself as someone who handles life’s ups and downs with grace and poise. That image was shattered as I bitched, moaned, and threw one too many hissy fits. All because of a toenail. Sigh.

Hidden in my despair, however, were some very important lessons:

• A renewed appreciation of the little things.  Aside from the occasional pedicure, toenails aren’t something I think about much. What a surprise to learn that such a little thing can quite literally stop me in my tracks. Never again will I take my toenails, for granted, and my bedtime ritual body sweep has been transformed into a million thank you’s for all the seemingly insignificant parts of me that are working properly.

• A newfound respect for those operating with physical constraints. It’s such a cliché how we take our ease of movement and physicality for granted. You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone, right? Up until this point, as much as I tried to imagine life with physical challenges, I’ve never been able to empathize. I now have a small window of insight into that experience and my respect for the strength, tenacity, and endurance of those living immobilized and in pain has skyrocketed.

• The humility required to ask for and receive help. As someone who prides herself on her independence in all realms, physical and otherwise, I found this one the hardest to learn. What a complicated emotional exercise. The different layers of guilt, frustration, unworthiness, and fear of being perceived as weak were so thick and intertwined, I still haven’t untangled them all. Did I learn this fine art of receiving help? Not really. I tried, but mostly I learned how difficult it is.

• You get what you ask for, like it or not. I tend to move through life at lightning speed, with barely a moment to digest my present before dashing off to the next experience. I had declared this holiday a time to slow down, sleep, and spend endless hours reading and taking in the world. Of course our first two days into it had none of this quality as we rushed around Florence, trying to absorb the city over our brief three-day visit. It was this toe accident that brought us to a grinding halt, forcing me to sit for hours on end and to move at the slowest of paces. At first I fought it, mourning the long runs we’d planned for exploring the Tuscan countryside and the sexy Italian footwear I’d been wanting. But eventually I relaxed into it and have settled into a much, much slower pace. Despite myself, all thanks to my toe.

And so the biggest lessons were found in the littlest of things. What little things have taught you the most?

An aside: during a short visit to the Museum of Torture in San Gimignano I learned that the removal of nails is one of the fastest ways to extract a confession and a preferred form of torture still used to this day. Perhaps my whining wasn’t all undue.

Related posts:

• Say Hello to Your Most Naked Self: Lessons learned over 26.2 miles
• Move Naked: A back-to-basics workout by guest blogger Trey Teufel
• Live Naked: Embracing the dark side of wholeness

Cravings. The word alone elicits feelings of guilt, powerlessness, and uncontrolled urges that need to be mastered.

But what are cravings? Could our bodies actually be telling us something?

If you’ve read my book, you’ll know that I have a tortured (and no longer secret) love affair with a very un-naked food: boxed macaroni and cheese. Yes, the stuff with white pasta and fluorescent orange dye. Sometimes I don’t think about it at all. At other times, I can hardly stand it I crave it so badly. What’s up with that?

Our bodies are communicating with us all the time. Trouble is, most of the time we’re not listening. Or if we hear it, we ignore it or try to shut it up.

Cravings are our bodies speaking to us, loudly. Perhaps we’ve missed some subtler cues, so we get an uncontrollable urge. Uncontrollable gets our attention. Uncontrollable is hard to ignore.

When your body craves something, instead of trying to muscle through it or just giving in immediately, take a few moments to listen to the craving. What’s it telling you? What’s it asking for really?

Maybe your body’s asking for something that’s got nothing to do with food. Love, distraction, comfort, ritual, acceptance. These are all vitally important things, and if these needs aren’t being satisfied, food is one way to fill the void.

Maybe your body’s asking for a nutrient. Craving chocolate? Your body could be low in magnesium. Craving fat? This is a typical sign of essential fatty acid deficiency. Craving sugar? Maybe you need more protein or fat in your diet.

Maybe your body’s asking for a change of pace. If you’ve been too strict with yourself, maybe you need to chill out a little. If you’ve been excessively debaucherous, maybe it’s time to settle down and find your healthy groove again.

But here’s the thing: you’ll never know what your body’s asking for until you take the time to listen.

Here are some of my favorite tools for listening:

• Glass of water –  if you find yourself craving something, instead of just automatically indulging, stop and have a glass of water first. Take the time of drinking the water to check in with yourself. At the very least you’ll have snuck in an extra glass of water, and often we mistake thirst for hunger.

• Journaling – If you have the time, take out your journal and write “What are you really wanting?” at the top. Take a few deep breaths, don’t overthink, and just write what comes to you. This is a great tool for allowing your body’s inner wisdom to come through.

• Compassion – Most of all, you want to be compassionate with yourself. Judgment clouds our listening and confuses the message. Be easy with it. Remember, this isn’t about willpower. This is about listening and learning.

Next time you crave something, take a moment to look underneath it. What’s your body really asking for?

Related posts:

• The Naked Truth: when food is comfort
• Taming Temptation: setting yourself up for food success
• Naked Chocolate? Get some raw goodness from Lix Marx at Sweet Nuit

Let me rephrase: there’s nothing better than the END of a nice, deep, detox. The first part sucks, and yeah, detoxing hurts.

Headaches. Lightheadedness. Fatigue. Strange poops. Strange smells. Nausea. Hunger. I’ve felt them all, and if you’ve done a cleansing regime of any kind, you’ve probably felt them, too.

Today marks day 10 of a 12-day program I’m doing to recalibrate my system. I’m at that point where my body is purring in appreciation. But if you’d talked to me Saturday, well, that’s a whole different story. As I sweat and pooped out my summer sins, I begged my body forgiveness and its accumulated toxins speedy exit.

Here are my top six strategies for surviving a detoxification program.

1) Drink loads and loads of (filtered) water. When you think you can’t drink more, drink more. Now, don’t send yourself into hyponatremia (dangerously low levels of electrolytes due to excess body water), but do some serious rehydration. Most of us are walking around wildly dehydrated without even knowing it and when you’re cleansing, water has an important flushing role. Flush baby flush!

2) Sleep as much as possible. You’ve heard me say it before, but it’s worth repeating: your body only heals when you sleep. Detoxing is tiring on your body – it’s hard work to clean up! – and if you’re on a cleanse with limited food intake this is only more exaggerated. Take advantage of the built-in excuse for extra sleep. Plan for naps, don’t book morning appointments, head to bed an hour early. Your body will thank you.  To help you with this:

3) Plan nothing. Most detox programs have a curve to them. A gentle entry (hey, this isn’t so bad after all), a phase of deep detoxification (OMG when will this be over?), and then a gradual shift back to a new, better-feeling better-looking you (yehaw!). During that middle phase, clear your calendar. Trust me. This is when the uglies show up – the headaches, nausea, lightheadedness, interesting odors – and I promise you’ll prefer to be snoozing on the couch with a big vat of lemon water by your side than out and about wondering if you’ll find a toilet in time.

4) Remove temptation. Okay, so you’ve committed to two weeks where no sugar passes your lips. Then why are you tormenting yourself with leftover cheesecake in the fridge? Toss that stuff or find it another home. Removing temptation is one of the most important strategies for success and for your sanity. If it’s not staring you in the face, you’re much less likely to reach for it.

5) Keep moving. This might feel counter-intuitive, but even on a liquid fast movement is beneficial. A nice evening walk. A gentle, short run. A bike ride. Some restorative yoga. Take your pick, there are many options. But remember that one of your primary detoxification systems – your lymphatic system – requires your physical movement for its circulation. It doesn’t have the benefit of a heart to pump its fluids around. When you’re eliminating toxins, it’s all the more important to make sure that lymph is flowing nicely.

6) Get a buddy. Cleansing is much more fun if others are doing it with you. Who wants to go through a healing crisis alone? It’s much easier on the soul if you can compare notes and cheer someone else along. You keep each other accountable, and you have someone to share your victories and miseries along the way. If your buddy is your partner or roommate, all the better. Turn your abode into a sacred cleansing zone.

Got a detox coming up? Try these strategies to ease your way through it. Looking for a program that’s customized to your needs? Write me and let’s see what would make the most sense for you.

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• Sweet Misery: How our sweet tooth is killing us
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The naked lifestyle is all about authenticity and embracing the whole of who we are. Part of that whole is not always pretty. I like to put my best foot forward in everything I do professionally and personally. What happens when that goes awry? Is it possible to make room for the dark as well as the light?

In memoriam: Cynthia G Floyd, 1938-2011

Some context:

This summer has been an intense one for me. Book launch. Learning the media. Around the clock recipe testing to finish the manuscript for the cookbook follow up to Eat Naked. The passing of my mother. My wedding.

How did I arrive at that diner breakfast and why was one breakfast such a big deal? Well, it wasn’t just one. It was most meals most days over the period of several weeks. This wasn’t about comfort food sneaking into my 20%, this was life gone crazy. All of my usual self-care rituals – be they food, movement, or daily practices – went out the window. The fact that my face is on the cover of the book I was launching, a book promoting healthy, naked eating, was a contradiction that haunted me.

The hardest part was giving myself permission to be human, to create space for the intensity of emotions flowing through me. I like to have it all together – especially when the world is watching. How scary to witness myself make mistakes, miss deadlines, and rely on food crutches that are damaging my health.

But then: isn’t this part of the whole in wholeness?

If we’re to embrace a holistic lifestyle – and I do, wholeheartedly – then that means accepting the dark as well as the light. It means coming to peace with that part of ourselves that doesn’t have it all together, that we’d prefer to hide from the world. That side needs to be celebrated as much as the superstar in us does.

Debbie Ford wrote a great book called The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and in it she says, “Our dark side acts as a storehouse for all these unacceptable aspects of ourselves… These are the faces we don’t want to show the world… When we lock away those parts of ourselves we don’t like, unknowingly, we seal away our most valuable treasures.”

So what’s my treasure? Well, it’s still unfolding. Perhaps it’s a new level of understanding and compassion for those really struggling with their diet. Perhaps it’s a new appreciation of our inevitable and beautiful human-ness. Most of all it’s the recognition that an integral part of naked living is to embrace all of who we are – the parts we’re proud of and the parts we want to hide from the world.

What treasures are hiding in your dark side?

Related Posts

• The Naked Truth: When food is comfort
• Naked living and authenticity: A resolution for the rest of us
• True Naked Living: Your permission slip from the universe

Just as Eat Naked is a back-to-basics dietary guide on how to improve your health (and body) through the calories you consume, Felon Fitness is a back-to-basics exercise guide on how to improve your health (and body) through the calories you burn. Margaret uses unprocessed and unpolluted food to help from the inside out; I use unequipped and inexpensive routines to help from the outside-in. Butt and thighs? Arms and abs? Her stripped-down diet and my stripped-down routines will shape them up in no time.

To build a foundation you have to start literally from the ground and work your way up. The same is true with your body. Below is a challenging routine designed to target nearly every muscle group in your body without requiring you to pick up a single weight or use a single piece of equipment. You’ll be performing squats and lunges for “butt and thighs”, cherry pickers and butterflies for leg and shoulder mobility, and push-ups and crunches for “arms and abs.” The exercises are put together in three ways for different levels of fitness: the first is a routine for those new to exercise; the second is a three superset routine for the intermediate fitness enthusiast; the third is a circuit for advanced fitness buffs.

First, here’s a video demonstrating how to perform the exercises:

Routine 1

Routine 2

In the above routines, exercises are grouped into three supersets. You’ll perform the squats immediately followed by the push-ups. You’ll then rest one minute before returning for your second and third sets of squats and push-ups. Do the same for crunches and lunges as well as the cherry pickers and butterflies. Also, the order of the exercises is designed to have you moving up and down from the ground and back to standing in order to give you a bit of an extra challenge.

Routine 3

Routine 3 is a circuit. The only time you rest during a circuit comes after completing the final exercise. You’ll rest one minute after completing the butterflies only to begin the circuit again. Perform the circuit three times.

That’s just one taste of a bodyweight workout. They are simultaneously simple in their components yet challenging to complete. These routines in are affordable because little to no equipment is needed to perform them, and they are time-efficient since you can work out at home and not waste precious minutes going to and from gyms.

Trey Teufel is a Certified Personal Trainer (NASM), lover of baseball and all things fitness related. He has been a personal trainer for nearly a decade in the demanding cities of New York and Los Angeles, and currently resides in Los Angeles. You can connect with Trey on Twitter @felonfitness, on Facebook, or contact him at trey at felonfitness dot com.

Related Posts

• Say hello to your most naked self: Lessons learned over 26.2 miles
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Unfortunately, this scenario is the way many people play out their mornings, day after day. Somehow the endless list of to-do’s takes precedent over self-nourishment.

If this describes your typical morning, keep reading. Eating on the run does more damage than leave your car dusted with escapist bits of breakfast.

Digestion is a process that’s controlled by your autonomic nervous system. This means you don’t have to consciously do anything to digest, much like you don’t have to try to breathe. It just happens. But, there’s a catch.

Your autonomic nervous system has two settings: stress state (sympathetic nervous system dominance, for you technical types) and relaxation state (parasympathetic nervous system dominance). Here’s the deal: you only digest when you’re in relaxation state.

So when you’re running around frantically looking for your car keys and scarfing down your morning smoothie, your body isn’t digesting that smoothie. It’s acting as smoothie storage until you’re next in relaxation state. Which, depending on the nature of your life, could be a while.

When you eat under stress and your food sits in your digestive tract without actually being digested, all sorts of unpleasant things happen:

• Instead of digesting at an appropriate rate, sugars ferment, fats go rancid, and proteins putrefy. These are the primary causes of bloating, belching, gas, and general digestive distress.

• Nutrient absorption is dramatically decreased while nutrient excretion is increased. This means you’re not getting the good stuff from your food.

• Oxygen supply decreases, which is bad news for your metabolism, since it relies on oxygen.

So, how to get out of stress and into relaxation while you eat? There are three key things you can do:

1) Breathe – taking three or four nice slow and deep breaths is the fastest way to bring your body from stress state to relaxation response. It also has the handy benefit of increasing the oxygen flow critical to metabolism and brings you into your body so you actually experience your meal.

2) Sit down – running around necessarily means your body isn’t relaxed. Sit down to eat, even if it’s for five minutes. You can have an expansive, relaxed five minutes for breakfast, or a frenetic and rushed five minutes. Give your body the benefit of those few minutes of relaxation.

3) Chew your food – food that hasn’t been properly chewed is that much harder to digest, and adds more stress on your body overall. An easy rule of thumb is to take one bite, then put your fork down, and don’t pick it up again for that next bite until you’ve completely chewed and swallowed the whole first bite. People who thoroughly chew their food typically end up eating less, digest their food better, and are more satiated after meals.

As I’m running out the door I realize I’m already late. Another five minutes while I sit to eat won’t hurt anyone, but rushing through my breakfast might.

Also – naked truth here – I have a long ago history of being rather obsessive about my food intake and weight, and not in a good way. Calorie counting is a slippery slope for me and I feared it would send me into an unhealthy spiral.

So then why did I suddenly decide to track my caloric intake for a week last Wedneday?

Good question.

I don’t have much of an answer other than sheer curiosity. Also, it started to feel like a gap in my knowledge. I find it upsetting when nutritional professionals don’t acknowledge the importance of quality, nutrient-dense foods in our diet, so how is my ignorance of caloric count any different?

To help me through this week of math (not at all my strong point), I downloaded an iPhone app that tracks caloric intake and energy output. Since then, I’ve made every effort to accurately track my calories.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Calories on a page have very little to do with how I actually feel. Yesterday I ate significantly more than my caloric requirements (according to their calculation based on my height, weight, and activity level) and yet I was still peckish. Today, despite my early morning 10-mile run, I’ve barely eaten half of my requirement and I feel stuffed, but somehow compelled to keep eating because of the gap in the numbers. This is completely counter to how I counsel my clients (and myself) to trust your body. I find myself putting the numbers ahead of my own innate instincts. Slippery slope indeed.

Calorie counting feeds a cycle of guilt and encourages a self-punishing relationship with food. I’m a healthy person. I eat nutrient dense, whole foods, most of which I prepare myself. I love to eat, I love to move, and for the most part I feel good in my skin. This last week these numbers affected every food decision I made. I stuck to what I know works best for my body, but I was hyper aware of how it would show up on my little end-of-day calorie report.

Calorie counting puts numbers ahead of pleasure. Who can relax into dinner when you’re worrying about calories? Since one of the primary ways we satisfy our body’s innate need for pleasure is through food, this feels very counterintuitive.

From a logistical perspective, calorie counting is a total pain in the butt, especially if you prepare most of your own food. You have to know exact amounts of each ingredient, serving, and so on. Wow. Far easier if you’re eating packaged, processed food (!!) for which all this work has been already done. For an improvisational cook using whole foods, this is really hard.

Ultimately, calorie counting taught me very little about my food, my diet, or my health. Sure, I have a better understanding of the number of calories in a specific food, but what does that tell me? It doesn’t account for the quality, source, or nutrient-density of the food. It doesn’t account for how it was prepared. It doesn’t account for how my body’s digesting and using it. Ultimately, if I had let calories be my guide, I would have chosen nutrient-void foods simply to avoid excessive calories, and over the long term my health would have suffered.

I have two days left and I’m going to stick with my plan, but I can guarantee I won’t be doing this beyond the week. So many more important things to do and watch for, namely my own instincts.

Related posts:

• The Naked Truth: When food is comfort
• Cook from your heart, not your head
• Say hello to your most naked self: Lessons learned over 26.2 miles

There’s really no better way to see what you’re truly made of than running 26.2 miles. Want to test yourself even further? Run those miles in endless driving rain, bone-chilling winds, and a t-shirt and shorts.

For a small glimpse of what we ran through, check out this video I came across on YouTube:

There is no hiding from yourself here. Every self-doubt you knew you had along with all of those you didn’t come screaming to the surface as you question your sanity and your ability to take another step. It hurts like hell, you’re barely coherent, your hands are frozen into a claw, and your legs are screaming at you.

Some might ask (as I did, repeatedly, over the entire 26.2 miles)”Why on earth put yourself through such a thing? Willingly?”

Mid-race, I couldn’t come up with a good reason. But the day after, my amazing friend Laura who’d traveled all the way from Portland to run this race with me in “sunny” California, said: “I always learn something important about myself when I cross the finish line. What did you learn?”

Good question.

I learned:

I can do anything. Even in the darkest moments of that day, I never seriously entertained the thought of quitting. I longed desperately for it to be over, I had no idea how I’d take another step, and I wanted to sit and cry at the state we were in, but deep down I knew we would somehow rally and make it to that finish line. Quitting wasn’t an option.

I can’t do it alone. Community is where it’s at. Whether it’s a dear friend, running along side me, sprinkling me with pep talks and holding my hand (literally) through those last excruciating miles. Or whether it’s the face of a loved one who’s stood out in the rain for hours just to give me a quick strong hug as I pass and a buoyant heart to carry me the next few miles. Or whether it’s the group of incredible runners I trained and fundraised with from Team To End Aids that I knew had my back. Or all of the people who donate to my cause and who were with me in spirit that waterlogged morning. There’s no way I could have achieved this feat solo.

Attitude is everything. I struggled a lot on this point. It’s hard to keep it positive when you’re cold, soaked, and miserable. This lesson I learned from Laura, who laughed, told funny stories, and somehow thoroughly enjoyed herself through the whole saga. I soaked up little bits of her attitude by sheer osmosis. So if you find yourself struggling on this point like I did, stick yourself next to someone who’s attitude rocks and it might rub off on you.

Naked food wins again. Nothing, absolutely nothing, tastes better than a big hunk of fresh-cut orange handed to you by a volunteer. No sports gel, drink, block, or chew can replace the boost your body gets from real food. Period.

After we’d thawed and dried, and lay huddled in blankets in front of the fire and a few good movies post-marathon, I swore up and down I’d never, ever do such a foolish and painful thing again.

Now? A few days later? I’m already wondering when I’ll have the next opportunity to dip into that well again, to test my mental and physical mettle and see what new lessons await me at the finish line.

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